A Hurried First Post
This is my first post on this new blog, and I am writing it while he is picking us up lunch. He’ll be back soon, so it must be quick, but I can’t leave the blog without a first post. I feel somewhat guilty keeping this from him, like I’m doing something bad, or cheating on him, but I know that I have to keep it from him in order to preserve the integrity that I so desperately crave from this blog. I need an outlet for my raw emotions, and I need to be able to write them, and I need to feel like they’re heard. If I didn’t need them to be heard, my journal would feel like enough… but it doesn’t.
I’m laughing at myself in this moment. Giddy with my secret, the rebellion of it all, and the fact that I’ve basically just made my computer into an all understanding therapist. I fear that I’ll spill the beans and ruin everything, because I have a hard time keeping anything from him, but I need to focus on the benefits of this outlet, and let it outweigh the loss of intimacy I am sure to encounter from having such a secret.
He’ll be back soon and I’m nervous, so I’m signing off.