Until today, I haven’t been overly anxious about starting my new job. There has been an excitement in the journey to acquire the job that has entertained my mind and prevented anxiety, but today has been different.
I went to my closet to get dressed this morning and I couldn’t find anything to wear. While a load of laundry would help a little, I’ve been feeling this way for the past few weeks. The frustration of trying to look stylish and put together, but always coming up a little short because of my limited wardrobe, is getting to me. Some things still don’t fit me because I’m about 10lbs out from my pre pregnancy weight, some things have worn out, and others have been passed along to my teenage daughters as a way of spicing up their wardrobes without having to shell out a bunch of cash I don’t have. My foundation just ran out and my 3rd pair of sunglasses in the last month were just broken, once again, by my 13 month old. ((Sigh))
Then, on the drive to drop my kids off at school, one of my daughters was making a joke about a kid in some show she saw getting hit my a minivan and complaining that he could have at least been hit by a cool car so he didn’t have to tell people he’d been hit by a minivan. I laughed and said, “I understand. A piece of me died when I bought our minivan.”
We were all laughing and joking in the car after that, and as I was about to drop them off I said, “Please prepare to exit the vehicle.”
Now, you need a little back story on this before we can continue. Because my children seem to take f-o-r-e-v-e-r to go from buckled into their seats to out of my car when we’re holding up a line of cars all trying to drop their kids off at school as well, I have gotten into the habit of telling them to “prepare to exit the vehicle” about a minute before I’m about to let them out. This has helped our line stoppage time greatly, as I’m sure all the other parents are grateful for. Anyhow, one day my son asks why I call it a vehicle, and my oldest daughter (who is the queen of trivia) says, “Hey, did you know that ‘car’ is short for carriage?” We all go, “ohhhh,” as little lightbulbs pop on in our heads, and then move on about our day. Well, the next day as a joke, I said,” Please prepare to exit the carriage,” and they all laughed. Ever since then, we’ve been coming up with different sayings to fit in that spot. “Please prepare to exit the Tardis. Please prepare to be ejected from the space ship.” You get the picture. Now back to today’s story.
This morning I said, “Please prepare to exit the vehicle,” and they all looked at me a little disappointed. So I said, “Vehicle is my word. I like it, and I’m sticking to it.” Then one of my daughters (the funny one) says in a joking tone, “What do you know? You’re just a minivan mom!”
As well placed and witty as that was, I have to be honest, that burned. It burned me deep. Then, in that moment, I wanted so badly to be working as soon as possible. To have the money to buy myself a great wardrobe again, and to earn some respect from my kids as an intelligent woman who has somewhere to go other than Starbucks and the grocery store. And I was getting all depressed in the Starbucks line this morning, but then I drank my coffee and felt in much better spirits. (Damn you Starbucks!)
My spirits lifted, I have decided that I will let my daughter back into the house when she gets out of school, but I may keep the skirt she borrowed today instead of giving it to her as I planned. This is where I am in life. This job can’t get here soon enough.