Having Lunch With the Back of a Cell Phone

WARNING: ADULT CONTENT

This morning when I opened my eyes, the first words out of my mouth were, “Oh my God!”

Hot Guy, who was wearing fitted jeans and a white t-shirt that wrapped tightly around his muscles, looks at me and says, “What happened?” with a worried look on his face.

I reply, “You look so sexy it hurts.”

Hot Guy (who is properly named) was no longer worried, and instead, stood up a little straighter, gave me a kiss, and left for an appointment. This was very disappointing, as I would have preferred to consume him entirely for breakfast.

Around 11, I got a phone call from Hot Guy asking if I wanted to go to lunch. I happily accepted as visions of a fun conversation and playful bantering, over what was sure to be an excellent plate of food, danced in my head.

Stupid girl. You know better.

It being the middle of the day, we brought HappyBaby along with us, as our live in babysitter was at school. He screamed the entire drive. (This is his new thing.) Then, while at lunch, HappyBaby had to be entertained with jelly baskets, menus, and tortilla chips. The service was s-l-o-w, and Hot Guy was e-mailing on his phone almost the entire time.

Sharp knife right through the center of my daydream bubble.

I do want to take a little moment (before I go on to vent) to say that it was work stuff he was dealing with and today is a work day. But there have been many times when he was just bored and therefore reading Twitter, which he is obsessed with. Still, I’m pretty sure the email could have waited 30 minutes.

THIS ENRAGES ME!

Now, some of you might be getting a picture of an attractive man paired up with a woman who used to be pretty but has now had 4 children, so has amounted to a frumpy housewife that HotGuy is no longer excited by. You might also be picturing a scowl on this ugly woman’s face that suggests she is a naggy bitch that offers poor company. But let me tell you, this picture is not true.

I am a very attractive woman. Everywhere I go men cannot keep their eyes off of me. Everyone opens my door, offers me help, and tries to talk to me. I’m also funny, exciting, and a great friend. AND, I’m great in bed.

I mention these things, because I think with all that I offer, I should at least be worth a little attention at lunch. I don’t want to date the back of your cell phone. I want to live a romance. I feel like if he felt the way about me that I do about him, we would. I feel like I should be enough to entertain his mind for 30 fucking minutes. I guarantee there are plenty of men out there that would do pretty much anything to sit down with me at lunch and have a little sexy banter.

I’m so disappointed. I want more from life.

I just feel like this scenario sums up my life right now. I’m ready to launch. August can’t get here fast enough.

…RiskingTruth